decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
