i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
