I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
