Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
