she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
