Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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