you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
