She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
