I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
