I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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