Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
In America we eat man semen.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
