I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
