She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I would fuck him just for his dog
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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