New low: just hacked my moms facebook
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
