Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I booty called her while she was in labor.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
