I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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