i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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