oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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