Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
