remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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