i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize