I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
