What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
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