Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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