but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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