If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
