theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
