i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
