i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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