Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
