I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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