how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
