Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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