What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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