Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
