So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
