hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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