my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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