party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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