I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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