SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
