So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
