I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
