I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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