Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
