So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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