Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
