Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
