Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize