my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
