The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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