I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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