i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Randomize
