I wish I only lived at night.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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