So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
