That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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