i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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