I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
