i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
