why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
