Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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