i was rollin on her like bob the builder
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
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