I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
