is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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