I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
