There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
