you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
