either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
