YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
