so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
this boner is exhausting
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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