I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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