just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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