Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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